


Hope is the thing with feathers

by Drago



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Birds, Cockatiels, EMT Ian, Emily Dickinson title because birds, F/M, Hissburger, I like parrots and so does Mickey, Jealousy, M/M, Obi the bird, Parrot talk, Parrots, Pet Shop AU, Pet shop owner Mickey, alternative universe, duke BonBon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-13 12:22:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7976680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drago/pseuds/Drago
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Literally no drama between Ian and Mickey! None, nothing at all! (but there will be drama).</p><p> </p><p>Ian feels a bit lonely so he decides to get a parrot. Mickey is a grumpy pet shop owner who loves birds more than he likes humans, but can appreciate people who share his passion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I always seem to be writing Gallavich when I'm in a bad place, and I kind of dislike Ian, but in this one he is not the bad guy! Let me repeat it, Ian is not the bad guy!
> 
> Read/like/review?

The new flat hardly feels like home. His home was always cluttered, with hardly any space to move around. He hated it when he lived there, but now that he moved he kind of misses it. Or maybe it’s the presence of other people that he misses. His boyfriend has his own flat, and Ian still gets to see his family all the time, but if he wakes up in the middle of a night because of a nightmare there is no one there for him to talk about it. Which is fine, absolutely fine, he is an adult after all, and that’s what adults do. Maybe he should look into getting a pet. He likes dogs, but he isn’t sure he would be able to walk one three times a day, and the last thing he wants is to make it suffer. He wants a pet that will be comfortable with being home 24/7. It can’t be a cat because he hates… strongly dislikes cats. Hamsters seem a bit too small (also too vicious), and he’s heard that bunnies are pretty high maintenance for their size. He likes to watch tortoises eating fruit on Youtube, but he is quite sure he won’t be a good tortoise owner. That, and he is afraid it’s going to grow so big that he will have to switch apartments. There are many other animals to choose from, but he isn’t comfortable with many of them kept as pets.  
“I should get a parrot.”  
“Aren’t they a bit boring?” Caleb asks, not looking up from the book he is reading.  
“Boring? Have you ever seen a bird?” Ian feels offended for the parrot he doesn’t even have yet, so he opens Youtube and pulls up his favourite videos. He can hear his boyfriend huffing, but he ignores it and plays the first video.  
Instead of choosing a random pet store he researches it, finally finding a forum with users who seem to know their stuff, living in his area, or at least shopping there. The pet store he chooses is only twenty minutes away from his flat, and the reviews are great. At least the ones about the assortment because more than one person complains about the owner, calling him a rude asshole or worse. Ian doesn’t care, he needs a healthy, young parrot and some advice. A lot advice because watching videos is one thing, and caring for a real bird – another. He knows that his enthusiasm might actually hurt his new friend, so he will accept help in any form.  
Caleb insists on coming along, and Ian can’t come up with a reason why he shouldn’t, so it’s the first thing they do on their morning off. The pet shop seems pretty small on the outside, and he wouldn’t even notice it if he wasn’t looking for it. Usually that would be bad for business, but judging from the Internet reviews it’s blooming. There is only one person inside, sitting behind the counter is a dark haired man who groans, “already?” when they enter. It’s a weird reaction, and Ian assumes he must be the owner. No employee would be allowed to act like that.  
“Hi, uh, I want to buy a bird?” it’s not a question, Ian doesn’t know why he is suddenly nervous, but he is. Maybe it’s because he can’t see any cages with birds inside, there are only empty ones, all of them big.  
“What bird?” the guy’s eyebrows almost touch his hair.  
“I, um, the one that can fly?” Ian has never, ever acted like that before, not while he was buying something. He can feel his face burning in embarrassment.  
“Are you asking me?” the man sneers, but Ian can see that he is amused. Caleb, on the other hand, must not be aware of that because he takes a step closer to the guy and asks, “Is there a problem?”  
“Dunno, is there? Red Riding Hood here should probably know what he wants to buy, don’t you agree? I feel like there might be a small difference between an owl and a parrot, but what do I know.”  
“That! I want that. A parrot,” Ian blurts out before adding, “and advice. I’m Ian.”  
“I really don’t need your name,” the man sighs, but his face softens. “I’m Mickey. Let’s get you a bird then.” He motions for Ian to follow, ignoring Caleb’s presence. He doesn’t seem too concerned about leaving the store without supervision, and Ian can tell why. He can’t imagine anyone trying to steal from this guy. His eyes follow Mickey’s hands when he opens another door. They are inked, black letters on his fingers spell out ‘fuck u-up’, and Ian smiles. He is still frightened, but he has to admit that the short stranger is handsome in a rough way. But there is a bird heaven behind the door, so Ian has no time to think about anything but the _birds_. The room is huge, much bigger than the store, and there are three big cages with different parrots inside. They are flying around their cages, chirping, playing and eating, but there aren’t as many as one would assume after seeing the size of their cages. Ian quickly finds himself glued to the cage with big, grey parrots. They stare back, and he instantly feels judged, but he can’t stop looking like an idiot.  
“Aye,” Mickey grunts before pushing him in the direction of other cages. “You can get one of these.”  
The birds inside are much smaller. More colorful, but he could probably squash one in his hand. They are undoubtedly cute, but he imagined himself with something bigger that can’t be killed so easily. He is not clumsy, but he lives in fear of killing cute, small things.  
“These are, uh. Parrots.”  
“Budgies, parakeets. They are great, very loud and friendly. Quite a lot of attitude, though, and their beaks are really sharp,” Mickey looks a lot more animated now that he is around parrots, his bright blue eyes shining with joy. Ian feels bad when he says, “They are cute, but I was thinking about the grey ones.”  
“Man, you can’t get the African grey as your first parrot. I won’t sell it to you. You won’t be able to handle it with no experience. Look here, this is the biggest you will get from me.”  
Ian feels slightly offended, but then he sees slightly bigger parakeets with bright, orange cheeks and proudly standing crests. Some look so fluffy that he wants to squeeze them. Their eyes are big and round, and one of them hisses at him when he touches the cage.  
“Small birds are great too. They require less space, food isn’t as expensive. You can teach them to sing, and they will love to play with you, but they are independent enough not to be annoying, yeah?”  
“And these are?”  
“Cockatiels. All male, I sold the last female yesterday. Males are usually easier to tame, so it shouldn’t be a problem.”  
“Aren’t they hand-fed?” Caleb butts in, and Ian almost snaps at him for it.  
“Not quite. I sometimes helped their parents, so they are okay with me touching them, but you will have to earn their trust.”  
“I will get this one,” Ian points at the one that hissed at him, already more than a little bit in love. Mickey smiles, prepares the box and gently takes out the white and yellow bird who doesn’t hiss this time. “He is five months old, lutino mutation.”  
“He hissed at me.”  
“That’s what they do, warning you,” the shorter man snorts. “Choose the second one.”  
“Oh, no, I only want one.”  
Mickey stares at him in disbelief, “Are you fucking serious? You can’t get just one bird! You work, what, eight hours a day? He will get lonely, I won’t sell to you if you’re going to make him suffer.”  
“Okay, sure, I didn’t know, I’m sorry! I don’t want it to be sad. This one doesn’t have the cheeks?”  
Ian ends up with two birds, apparently the one without orange cheeks is a whiteface and has beautiful pearls on his wings and tail, but Mickey tells him they will disappear once he matures. Ian also buys a cage that is much bigger than he thought it would be ( _you have to let them out every day anyway, dude_ ), food for budgies ( _cockatiel food is more expensive and has unnecessary shit in it_ ), millet ( _just don’t overfeed them_ ), toys ( _yes, you do need so many toys_ ), cuttlefish ( _they will eat your walls anyway_ ), book about cockatiels ( _read the whole damn thing, and don’t trust everything you read on the Internet, Red_ ), number to the vet ( _he treats my birds, you can call him anytime_ ), some advice about other foods ( _they prefer veggies over fruit, but definitely no avocados or onions_ ), and Mickey’s number in case he needs more information ( _I’m pretty sure you will end up killing them otherwise_ ). Ian nods, notes down everything he considers important (which is, well, everything), and smiles so much that his face hurts. His wallet feels much lighter when they finally leave, and he is so happy that it takes him almost ten minutes to notice that Caleb is angry.  
“What’s wrong?” he asks because it’s the right thing to do, not because he wants to. He is in a good mood, and he doesn’t want his boyfriend to spoil it.  
“Did you really have to flirt with this short asshole?”  
“I wasn’t flirting, we were talking about birds!”  
“Sure you weren’t. You always fucking flirt with every piece of ass you find attractive. Though why would you find this midget attractive, I’ll never know.”  
Ian has to bite his tongue because Mickey, while not traditionally handsome, is still very cute, but admitting this would mean even more fighting which he would rather avoid. He wants to go home and play with his new pets, but instead he has to appease his jealous boyfriend. Knowing that Caleb thinks he is a slut hurts more than he is willing to admit. He went through a phase where he fucked almost every person with a dick, but he doesn’t want to be reminded about it every time they fight. His therapist always advises him to be honest with his partners about his sexual history, and it makes sense, but his therapist must also think that people are better than they really are.  
“And you let him trick you into buying two parrots instead of one. He did it for profit, babe,” his boyfriend adds condescendingly, and Ian grits his teeth but doesn’t say anything.  
Caleb spends most nights at his flat, but this time he leaves right after helping Ian with his purchases. It’s for the best, Ian needs to be calm to take care of his babies. He sets up everything the way Mickey told him to, making sure that the cage is standing high enough so that the birds won’t feel threatened. Both seem spooked, and the yellow one hisses every time Ian comes close to the cage. They need to get used to each other, he is looking forward to taming his babies. They don’t eat or drink, but Mickey said it’s normal, so he tries not to fret too much.  
He goes through his routine, but his thoughts are occupied with his new friends. He leaves them to take a shower, and when he comes back there are two fat fluffballs waiting for him. He is twenty six but almost cries when he sees them because they are really fucking cute. Then he spends fifteen minutes trying not to panic and call Mickey, and failing. At least it’s not that late, he tells himself while he waits for Mickey to answer.  
“What.”  
“Hi, I, hi! It’s Ian, I bought two birds from you today!”  
“What did you do?” Mickey sighs heavily, and Ian wants to crawl into a hole and die.  
“I was gone fifteen minutes, showering. I did everything you told me to, but… Hissburger’s leg fell off*,” he cries into the receiver. After a beat of silence Mickey howls with laughter. Ian’s face is wet with this and this asshole laughs like it’s funny that one of his birds is hurt. This motherfucking…  
“Dude, have you tried poking him?”  
“No! He is hurt!”  
“How stupid are you? Birds like to stand on one leg and curl the other one, hiding it between the feathers. He is chillin’.” Ian promptly pokes the cage and both birds immediately are on guard, staring at him with disapproval clear in their shiny, round eyes. He counts the legs and finds four.  
“Yeah, okay, they both have enough legs.”  
“Seriously man, he would be bleeding, and his leg would have to be somewhere,” to be honest Ian hasn’t even thought about it. “Also, did you say that his name is Hissburger?”  
“…yes?”  
“And the other one?”  
“…duke BonBon.”  
“Oh fuck. I’m taking them back. I made a huge mistake selling them to a redhead, never again. Bring them back tomorrow.”  
“Nope. We are best friends now. I have to go, let Hissburger and duke BonBon sleep,” he hears Mickey groan right before he disconnects. Yet again he made an idiot out of himself without even trying, but it feels kind of good.

Ian wakes up, stretches, goes running, works out at home, showers, eats breakfast, goes to work or does something else until he has to work – the last one depends on whether he has a morning shift or not. This time he planned ahead, so he can spend the morning with his birds. He adds changing their water and preparing food to the routine, and it feels good to take care of something instead of constantly being taken care of. There are three texts from Caleb waiting for him to read, but he focuses on Hissburger and BonBon instead. He doesn’t need to read them, it’s the same every time. They fight, Caleb says something hurtful, leaves, apologizes, and they go on pretending that nothing happened. Until the next fight when Ian is an idiot or a slut again.  
Hissburger tries to bite him, but BonBon seems quite interested in his new owner. He offers them some millet, but they only move to eat it when he removes his hand from the cage. “I will let you out tomorrow,” he promises them before leaving the flat. He is low on food and medication, so he decides to get both before work. Buying meds used to be a horrible experience for him when he was still in a bit of denial about his mental health, but in the recent years it’s just like buying bread, only more expensive. When he comes be can hear his birds singing while he is trying to find his keys, but they fall silent the second he opens the door. Mickey told him to expect that, but if Ian were to be honest he would admit that he wanted to bond with his pets right away. That’s clearly not going to happen.  
He has a relatively quiet night at work, which means that he helps to deliver one baby, treats two gunshot wounds and performs CPR on a fifty year old guy. No one dies on him, and that’s the most important thing. He knows how to deal with emotions after someone dying, but it doesn’t mean that he wants to see it. He expects a quiet morning, when he gets home around four, but he is out of luck. Hissburger and BonBon make a lot of noise when he walks past their cage, flapping around and falling from perches. His hands come back stained with blood after he tries to calm them, so he does the obvious thing and calls Mickey at ten past four in the morning. Mickey manages to sound both half asleep and furious when he barks out, “What the fuck?”  
“BonBon is bleeding! His… his wing is bleeding, I don’t know what to do!” Ian is an EMT, he saves lives all the time. He sees shattered bones and bleeding wounds all the time, but birds are different than humans, their hollow bones make them so fragile that he is afraid to touch. “Hey, Ian, don’t panic, okay? Breathe for me. Can you tell me what happened?” Mickey is more alert and slightly worried now.  
“I came home, and they suddenly started banging around the cage.”  
“Night frights, I told you about them. This is why they should have their own quiet corner to sleep in, okay? You should cover their cage too. Can you catch BonBon?”  
“I can try,” suddenly, his hands are too big and too clumsy, but BonBon must still be shaken up because he lets Ian hold him. “I have him.”  
“Is his wing swollen? Does it seem broken?”  
That’s something Ian knows how to assess, “No, I don’t think it is. And he isn’t bleeding that much.”  
“That’s good,” Mickey says soothingly. “Does it look like he is in pain?”  
BonBon blinks at Ian when he lightly pokes the wing but voices no complaint. His crest is no longer standing up.  
“He looks sleepy.”  
The other man chuckles, and Ian can breathe again. “That’s great, he should be okay. Call the vet in the morning if anything happens. Remember what I told you about flour in case of broken feathers and nails?”  
“Yes.”  
“Good, just keep it at hand.”  
“I’m sorry for calling you all the time. I shouldn’t…”  
“It’s alright,” Mickey interrupts him. “I’d rather you called me than didn’t give a fuck. I already deal with too many stupid fucks who think that parakeets are easily replaceable just because they aren’t expensive.”  
Ian wants to talk to him more. He wants to listen to his voice, hear about dumb people and their dumb mistakes, but it’s too late and highly inappropriate, so he apologizes again before disconnecting the call. He spends twenty minutes watching his birds fall asleep in complete darkness. He doesn’t see a whole lot, just their fat, fluffy silhouettes, but when he goes to bed he immediately falls asleep, calm despite everything.  
Caleb’s knocking wakes him around eleven, and he knows without checking that it’s his boyfriend because he is the only one who could have time off in the morning. Ian contemplates pretending that he isn’t home, but then he will have to explain where he was, and he’s been told that it’s not good to lie to your partner too much. He opens the door instead, smiling like he isn’t tired. Caleb kisses him hello, hands him breakfast because of course he brought something for them to eat and then goes to talk with the birds. It shows that Caleb is a pretty damn great boyfriend, yet Ian is far less enthusiastic than he should be. They have sex after breakfast which never is a good idea, but it’s so slow and mild that it doesn’t matter whether his stomach is full or not. Maybe he is on a downswing, he needs to check with his therapist.  
The therapist stares at him for the uncomfortably long time before saying, “You can’t blame everything on your disorder, Ian. You still feel other things, even on medication. I don’t see anything in your behaviour that would suggest the need to change your doses.” Obviously it’s something he knows, something he’s been told by the various family members and boyfriends before. But as much as he hates his bipolar, it’s also an easy answer, easier than figuring out why he feels the way he does.  
He swings by Mickey’s store even though he doesn’t need anything yet. The other man knows that too because his expressive eyebrows shoot up the second he spots Ian. “Did you kill them?” he asks angrily, or maybe that’s how he usually talks.  
“Nah, I’d have called you, you know that. But everyone is already tired of listening about my birds, so I thought that I could come here to talk about them.”  
“Tired? After what, few days?”  
Ian beams at him because Mickey remembers, “They are really great birds.”  
“Yeah? Come on then, tell me about them.”  
And Ian does, even though he is pretty sure BonBon and Hissburger are not doing anything spectacular, just the regular cockatiel things. Mickey still listens intently, smiles and laughs in all the right places, convincing Ian that he made the right decision to come here. The customers come and go, and Mickey is pretty rude to all of them, but his eyes are soft when Ian shows him pictures upon pictures of his birds. They might not know each other well, but Ian is sure that it’s genuine. The other man doesn’t look like a person who would put up with someone’s rambling just to be nice.  
“Can I see your birds?” Ian finally blurts out, and even in this situation it sounds wrong, but Mickey just smirks at him, closes the shop and leads him upstairs. That’s pretty neat.  
The flat itself is rather plain, but Ian is immediately drawn to the big cage he spots in what looks to be a living room. He stops short when he sees what’s inside.  
“You’ve got African greys.”  
“That I do. This is Riko, and this one is Nala.”  
Nala has no feathers on her stomach. “What happened to her?”  
“They are rescues, she plucked because she was unhappy, and they never grew back. It’s fine, she is happy now, with or without feathers.”  
Ian tries to smile, but he feels betrayed, so he knows it comes out as fake as it feels.  
“What’s wrong, Red?”  
“I expected you to have ‘tiels!” Ian bursts out, not looking at the other man. “But of course not, you are a big, tough guy, so you get to have big birds, huh?”  
“Oh, Christ,” Mickey sounds like he might be choking, so Ian steals a quick look and gets even more offended when he sees that Mickey is doubled over from laughing too hard. “Dude, they are rescues. And you clearly haven’t looked around.”  
So Ian does. This is when he notices another, smaller cage in the corner with a single bird inside. It’s gray with slightly yellow face and bright, orange cheeks. “You told me they can’t be alone,” he says grumpily just to be difficult.  
“That’s still true, but Obi doesn’t like any other birds. He likes to be in the same room as Nala and Riko, but that’s it. I had him for fifteen years now, he is about twenty.” Mickey stands next to him and takes Obi out. Up-close Ian can see how thin the bird is. His cockatiels are obese in comparison.  
“He is healthy even though he looks like this. I tried fattening him up, but nothing worked, and the vet told me to let him be.” Ian scratches Obi’s tiny head, and the bird pecks at him, but it’s so soft that he just laughs. It’s not the prettiest bird he’s seen, but he can tell that Obi is Mickey’s favourite.  
Mickey shows him pictures of the aviaries his sister has at her house, he keeps the breeding pairs there, which makes much more sense since her place is bigger, and she has kids who like to feed them when their parents want to sleep in. The time flies fast, and Ian barely notices it. He gets fed pasta with pesto, gets to know Mickey a bit more. He isn’t surprised when he discovers that the other man is Southside, he looks it. He is only surprised that they never met before, but then again it’s not that impossible between Mick being in and out of juvie, and Ian’s crazy moments. He doesn’t say anything about that, they are not close enough for that yet.  
“Shit, it’s almost five. You gotta go, man,” Mickey says, suddenly looking slightly panicked. Of course Ian wants to stay because he is nosy, but he is not that much of an asshole, so he leaves. Someone shoulders past him as he exits the elevator, hitting him hard, and he sees a tall, handsome guy smirking at him before the door closes. Dickhead. Handsome men are usually dicks, Ian muses. He should know, his track record speaks for itself. Breakups weren’t always their fault, but they never handled it well. Once he even had to change flats because the guy decided to stalk him. Caleb is nice most of the time. Mickey is a dick most of the time, but Ian knows that the other man is protecting himself. No one so gentle with birds could be a bad person. 

 

 

*You’d be surprised how often people believe that.


	2. Chapter 2

Ian hates car accidents. He dislikes all accidents, but if he had to choose the ones that he hates most, it would be car accidents. They are always nasty and, more often than not, leave people broken for life. Death is almost easier because it’s finite, it ends everything, no more pain and suffering, death he can deal with. Car accidents leave people crippled, they have to re-learn how to live, and even though Ian usually sees them only for a few minutes, it hits hard.   
He watches the firemen work, cutting through the metal to get to the passenger. The damage is almost always the worst in the shotgun seat, Natalie is already working on the driver who seems to be in a pretty good shape, all things considered. There is a lot of blood, Ian assesses from a distance, but mostly because the guy has a head wound, they always bleed a lot. The passenger, a pretty, thirty-something woman, isn’t moving. Her eyes are closed, and if it weren’t for the firemen, he would’ve assumed she is dead. One of the things they teach them is to always watch out for the ones that aren't making any noises. If someone moans or complains then there is a big chance of them surviving. When he finally gets to treat the girl he immediately stabilizes her neck. She looks very peaceful for someone, who might never walk again. They are always the last ones to learn about their disability which seems unfair, but there is no way to fix it.   
There are two minor things after that, but he still finds it difficult to smile when he sees Caleb waiting for him in front of his flat.  
“It would be easier, if I had the key,” his boyfriend jokes although both of them know that it’s not really a joke. They’ve been dating for almost two years, but Ian is not ready. And he is especially not ready now, so he opens the door without really acknowledging Caleb’s words. He is not good at bottling things up and never talking about them, so he tells the older man what’s bothering him, and Caleb looks understanding, but it doesn’t really help when he says, “That’s life, babe. You know how it is,” and then goes back to making dinner. It's not what he wants or needs to hear when he is upset, so Ian excuses himself while the chicken is cooking to make a call.  
“How do you feel about garlic?” he asks in lieu of a greeting.  
“Very tasty, I’d recommend, 8 out of 10,” Mickey responds, unperturbed by Ian’s rudeness.  
“I mean for ‘tiels.”  
“Oh, then I wouldn’t recommend it.”  
“I’ve read up on it, and I’m not sure. Onions are a strong ‘no’, but is there any solid proof that garlic is bad for them?” he is not an idiot, he knows that his voice is shaky, and he is under no illusion that Mickey won’t pick up on that. He appreciates it when the other man starts to, rather heatedly, defend his point of view. Truth to be told Ian doesn’t want to give his birds garlic, better safe than sorry, but he needs someone to steady him, and Mickey’s no-nonsense argumentation does it better than his boyfriend’s bleak answer. Ten minutes later he feels like himself again, and he murmurs a quiet ‘thank you’ not caring whether the other man actually understands what he is being thanked for.  
“No problem, Freckles,” it makes Ian feel warmer than it should. Almost happy, despite everything. Then he catches Caleb looking at him inquiringly, and suddenly he doesn’t feel as good anymore.  
“I have to go, thank you.”  
“Who was that?” Caleb asks, and Ian lies it was Lana, his friend from work. It’s his. His relationship with Mick belongs to him, and he doesn’t need, or want, his boyfriend in it. They don’t have to share everything, just because they are dating it doesn’t mean that they are turning into one person that has to do everything together.   
Dinner is really quiet, and the sex after – barely any louder. Sex doesn’t need to be loud to be good, but Ian thinks about doing laundry and his next shift while fucking Caleb’s ass, and that’s definitely not how it should be. But they both orgasm, what else could he want. His boyfriend stays the night, and he forces himself to think that everything is alright. It's just stress getting to him, nothing to do with Caleb.   
There are things Ian shouldn’t do. He shouldn’t drink, even one beer disagrees with his meds. He shouldn’t forget, or rather – shouldn’t stop taking his meds. He is crazy without them, he knows it now. He shouldn’t let other people, men, direct his life. He also shouldn’t be using his birds as an excuse to go to Mickey’s store. Yet he does, telling Caleb that he ran out of cuttlefish. There is still enough left to last him at least a week, but he goes to the store straight after work, palms sweaty for no reason at all. He is smiling even before he opens the door, and he starts talking right away, “I had no idea that walls are so appealing, man, Hissburger and BonBon already made a dent in one of them. Give me some cuttlefish.”  
He hears a chuckle, but when he looks up it’s not Mickey he sees. This person also has black hair and pale skin, but she also has breasts. Definitely not the person he is looking for then. “It’s really not going to help.”  
“Well, I, uh, Mickey…”  
“You are so eloquent. You are also the guy with ‘dumbass bird names’.”  
“Can’t deny it.”  
“I’m Mandy, the asshole’s sister.”  
“Ian. So…”  
“He is out with his boyfriend,” Mandy’s smile is so big and obvious that he doesn’t know whether to laugh or groan because of secondhand embarrassment. It's a really bad pun, and he knows all about bad puns. But Mandy is nice, talking to her is no burden, although he is distracted by the fact that Mickey is gay. The other man doesn’t look gay, not that Ian really has any preconceived ideas of what gay men look like. He’s seen it all, tall, short, twinks and bears. But usually he is pretty good at guessing who bats for his team which comes in handy outside of clubs. He stopped going to clubs trying to find boyfriends after realizing that people there see him as a fuckable accessory rather than a boyfriend material. Maybe this time parrots should have tipped him off, he chuckles to himself.  
Ian should leave. He shouldn’t be making friends with Mandy, waiting for her brother to come back. Because this is what he is mostly doing. Waiting for Mickey. He berates himself for it, Mandy is a great girl who probably could be a great friend, he shouldn’t be treating her like that, even if she doesn’t know about it.   
After half an hour of waiting it’s amusing how unprepared Ian is when Mick finally comes back. Maybe it’s the tall, handsome stranger who comes with him, and whom Ian recognizes as the dickhead from Mickey’s building. Or maybe it’s the dark, purple bruise near his friend’s eye and on his temple. It looks painful, and Ian hisses, unable to control his reaction.   
“What the fuck happened to your face?”  
“Small accident, Gingersnap,” Mick answers without missing a beat, but then, for a second, his face contorts into something ugly and he almost looks afraid.   
“Ah, you’re the guy who’s been calling my boyfriend all the time? I’m Alexander,” there is something sharp in Alex’s wide smile. It looks threatening, more like he is baring his teeth than genuinely smiling. He speaks with a slight accent, almost French. Stuck up prick.   
“I wouldn’t say all the time, I do have to work from time to time,” Ian tries to laugh it off. His eyes are glued to his friend who looks on the verge of bolting. Something is wrong, it’s not the Mickey he knows. This one here is too timid, quiet in a way that his Mick is not. Ian made a mistaking coming to the store, but he can’t quite figure out why. He excuses himself and leaves before things can escalate, cuttlefish safe in a small plastic bag, Mandy’s number in his phone and Alexander’s eyes following him all the way out. 

“So how did you get the bruises?” Ian asks when he finally manages to get Mick alone in hs flat. After all 'persistent' is a word that people often use to describe him. But he needs to know because he saw even more bruises when Mickey stretched out, showing a bit of skin on his lower stomach and hips. It could be sex-bruises, Ian still remembers having to explain those to his family, even though he didn't have any in over a year because Caleb is too vanilla for that. They definitely shouldn't be accompanied by any signs of abuse, though, and that's what worries him the most. It seems silly, Mick is a fighter, but Ian always worries about people he likes.  
“Told you, it was an accident,” Obi chooses this moment to put his tiny butt on Ian's face, so the man is momentarily distracted. He puts the bird a little lower, on his chest, and gently pets the scruffy feathers on Obi's head. This bird, seriously.  
“What accident.”  
“What the fuck is it? Interrogation?”  
“I'm just worried, am I not allowed?” Ian would sit up to make it more serious, but he can't because Obi's eyes are closed. He is resting, and Ian doesn't want to disrupt his sleep. No one said that living with birds would be easy. He can't even raise his voice properly.   
“Nothing to be worried about, man,” Mickey looks him straight in the eye as he says it which should mean that he is not lying, but Ian isn't so sure. There is something off, something connected with Alex. Unless it's his jealousy speaking which also might be the case. Maybe it's a coincidence and Ian is overreacting.   
Mickey lies next to him with his head near Ian's shoulder to be able to see Obi better, and the younger man watches him watch the sleeping cockatiel. It's a cute scene, an adorable one, definitely not something to get a hard on over, but Ian's dick has a mind of its own. It doesn't help that Mick smells absolutely delicious and fuckable. There is a bit of fresh sweat and a hint of spiciness that makes his mouth water. If it weren't for Obi Ian would probably flip his friend over and ride his ass hard. It's a perfect ass, round and firm, on a big side. A perfect home for his long cock. Ian bets Mickey would make all kinds of noises in bed, but he wouldn't complain, oh no, he would take the hard pounding like he was born to do it, milk Ian's cock dry. Fuck, simply fantasizing about cumming in Mick's ass makes him so thirsty that he needs to think about the last person he saved to calm down.  
When he finally manages to tear his eyes away from his friend's body – somehow managing not to alert him, he finds Obi staring at him in silent judgment, dark brown eyes shining knowingly. This bird, really.   
The next time he sees his whole family he tells them that he is thinking about breaking up with Caleb. Fiona, ever the drama queen, breaks the plate before pointing at him and saying in her stern, grown-up voice, “No. No, Ian, no.”  
Ian is sure his eyebrows are touching his hair, but Debbie reacts before he can, “Yes. Yes, Ian, yes. Caleb is so boring and proper that I want to stab myself in the eye every time he is around just to have some entertainment.”  
“Whoa, that’s harsh,” Lip laughs into his beer. “So true, though.”  
“He is a little boring,” Liam admits, and it’s like the dam has been broken, the Gallaghers unleash their verbal wrath with Fiona trying, and failing, to defend Caleb’s honour. It should be Ian’s role, but he is too baffled by how much his family apparently dislikes his boyfriend. They always seemed to get along just fine, so discovering that they’ve been pretending this whole time is pretty shocking. He hasn’t even made a decision yet, but he can hear them making some valid points.  
“But why?” Fiona finally asks.   
“I think I like someone else,” he admits, “and I think it might be it, you know. The one.”  
“How old is he?”  
“Young. He is the one I got my ‘tiels from. There is nothing more between us, but I can’t keep lying to Caleb. I can’t keep fucking him while thinking about Mick.”  
“You sure it’s not some fleeting infatuation?”   
“I almost wish it was. He is amazing, you know? I never met anyone like that.”  
Despite his words, he doesn’t break up with Caleb later that day. Or the next one. Their vapid relationship continues while he works on developing his friendship with Mandy. It makes him realize that he doesn’t really have any friends. There are people he works with, but work is the only thing that connects them and, if the has to be honest, he doesn’t want to spend any more time with them. He thinks about work every time he sees them, and that’s not something he needs in his spare time. It's too heavy. He never understood how people can hang out with their workmates, it doesn't really make sense. It's not very probable that you will meet your soulmate at work, but it's very much possible that they'll pretend to like you because that's how work relationships work. There is no point in making the atmosphere heavy.   
There is also his family, but do they even count? They’ve been around each other for so long that it just seems natural to be close. There used to be people he met at work, the old one – when he was still dancing in golden shorts and popping pills like candy. It took him some time, but he finally understood that they weren’t his friends because they always wanted something from him, they were simply bad for him. Even though they were posh and rich they encouraged him to take drugs, fuck random guys, live like there’s no tomorrow. It sounded appealing when he was seventeen and sick, not so much once he faced his issues and got his life on the right track. He discovered that there is, in fact, tomrrow and that left him friend-less, yet still quite happy. But now there is Mandy (and maybe Mickey if he is extremely lucky) who doesn’t need or want anything from him, who is bright and beautiful without losing the Southside edge, and he wants this. He wants her to be his friend. It all seems too easy. They go from slightly awkward meetings in coffee shops to heated arguments in his kitchen in a matter of two weeks. The best thing is that Mandy loves birds too, so Ian doesn’t have to limit himself. It’s great. Amazing. He hopes it will last almost as much as he hopes that Alexander has to move to Alaska.  
“Do you know how I met my husband?”   
Mandy is his age, and it’s slightly bizarre that she already has a family, husband and two kids. It makes him feel incomplete. “No?”  
“Mickey played the matchmaker, that fucker. At first he was dropping hints, so fucking subtle that I actually thought he wanted to bang his vet. ‘Cause my husband is an avian vet, right.”  
“Okay? Is he the one Mick recommended to me?”  
“Yup. Everything stays in the family. But no worries, he is good. He’s been taking care of Mickey’s parrots for a long time. Anyway. Usually the vet comes over for the birds because there are quite a few, right? But one day Mick calls me really early, like, really fucking early, and asks me to take Obi to the vet because he has a meeting. Usually I would tell him to piss off, but it’s Obi, I can’t say no. So I drag my ass all the way to Mick’s flat,” she is exaggerating. Her brother’s flat is ten minutes away from her house, “take the little guy who looks fine to me, but I didn’t know much back then, and drive to this vet. He looks at me and goes ‘did you steal Obi? I’m calling Mickey!’ I tell him who I am, and that I have an appointment because Obi is sick. But Matt just stares at me because apparently it was supposed to be just a regular check up. All of it because I refused to meet him ‘cause his name is fucking Matthew Meadow. Mandy Milkovich and Matthew Meadow? Fuck off.”  
“You liked him anyway.”  
“I did,” she sighs as if it’s a burden, but her eyes are shining with happiness. “And my kids are Mikayla and Max because Matt thought it’s hilarious.”  
Ian has no idea whether he is allowed to laugh or not, so he settles on asking, “Mikayla?”  
“I named her after Mickey, okay. The asshole earned it.”  
“How do you get Mikayla out of Mickey?”  
“His name is Mikhail, you uncultured swine. That’s Russian ‘cause our parents were dicks.” It gives Ian a very inappropriate boner. Not the Milkovich parents, he is not that gross. He imagines whispering _Mikhail_ into Mick’s ear while he fucks into him, spreading him open, making him quiver and moan, soft belly covered in pre-come, cock red and swollen. Fuck. _Fuck._  
This is when Caleb decides to enter the scene, but at least Ian’s underwear is tight and his pants baggy enough to hide his hard dick. The last thing he needs is his boyfriend thinking that he gets hard around girls, he already seems to dislike Mandy, partially because she is Mickey’s sister, and partially because she ignores his existence most of the time. Ian asked her about it, but she just shrugged his question off. He has a sneaking suspicion that Mandy, just like his family, finds Caleb completely and utterly boring. Even worse, he really starts to see it too. Caleb is by no means bad, he is your average good guy who looks fine on his own, but fails to impress once you compare him to someone else.  
Ian splits his free time between Mickey, Mandy, his family and Caleb. In that exact order. His boyfriend thinks that he is spending way more time with his family than he really does. It’s not that Ian is lying to him, it’s just that every time Caleb says ‘oh, you’re seeing your family again’ he chooses not to correct him. Everything runs suspiciously smoothly, and he should know better than to believe that it’ll stay this way, but he lets himself be lulled into false sense of security. But of course when things finally go down, they go down hard.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry Obi :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you notice any typos, I'm using a different program, and the spellcheck is broken (and it's late, okay, it's always late when I post stuff).

“I think you would get along well enough,” Ian says with conviction. “I know you probably think it's going to be a failure, but can you at least try? He is a cool guy, maybe a little aggressive for his small size, but he has a softer side too. I would say 'soft', but that's a lie, and we don't lie to each other, right?”  
“What are you doing?” Caleb asks from the doorway, amusement obvious in his voice.  
“I'm trying to persuade Hissburger and Bon Bon that they should give Obi a chance.”  
“Obi? Isn't that Mickey's bird?”  
“It is. I think they should meet, I told you that Obi isn't so good with other 'tiels.”  
Ian decides against tellin his boyfriend that he wants his birds to like Obi because he hopes they'll be seeing each other a lot. Maybe even living together. Ian knows that his actions, well, mostly his thoughts, are disgusting. He is pretending to be in a happy relationship with a decent guy because... He doesn't even know why. Because he is afraid? Yeah, he is afraid that Mick is not going to accept him while Caleb is a sure thing. Sure, boring thing. It's almost worse than cheating, he never planned to cheat on anyone. This is cold, logical planning and scheming. That's usually Lip's forte not his. His brother would probably be proud, but he is not going to tell anyone. He is ashamed of what he is doing, but it doesn't stop him anyway. Caleb sits next to him, their sides touching while they play with Hissburger and Bon Bon, and all he can think about is Mickey.  
He almost breaks up with his boyfriend the next day, his lips open to say this one, little sentence that will probably make the older man cry when he remembers that Caleb's birthday is in a week. Doing it now would be even more of a dick move, so he doesn't. He prepares a surprise party with Caleb's family, acts like a good boyfriend, and it's nice. It reminds him why he is with the other man in the first place. Even so, it's not the right place for him anymore. Ian tried to convince himself that he could be this person, a normal guy with a regular, quiet life. He used to dream about it when he was younger, funny that. But it's just not him. Even though Mickey doesn't do anything illegal anymore he provides the kind of excitement that Ian craves. Or maybe it's just him, because there is nothing thrilling about creating a play gym for parrots.  
Ian wanted to simply buy one, but Mick mentioned making one on his own and stared like it's some kind of a test. Then Ian noticed a bruise on his friend's neck, so instead of asking about it he asked for help in making his own gym. Finding the right branches took them hours, then they had to assemble it, so they ended up spending the whole day together. Nothing else mattered, no boyfriends, no bruises, just the two of them and birds chirping in the background. Bon Bon and Hissburger loved their new toy, Caleb – not so much. 

Ian starts talking the second he enters the shop, and it takes his brain few seconds to realize that it’s Mandy who is sitting behind the counter. He really should stop doing this. He looks around to make sure that she is alone. She smiles at him, but when he looks closer her eyes look a bit red, like she’s been crying or maybe smoking pot. He hopes for the latter, Mandy doesn’t seem like someone who cries a lot.  
“What’s up?” he asks, going for cheerful.  
“Hey Ian, Mick’s not here today.”  
“At all? Why? Is he doing inventory?”  
“No, he stayed at home today,” her voice cracks, “Obi, uh, Obi died last night. Mickey isn’t taking it so well. He called me, but didn’t want me to come over or anything. Just this.” Mandy seems to be genuinely worried, and Ian understands why. Anyone who’s seen her brother with the little guy would.  
“Want me to check up on him?”  
“He won’t open the door, but…” she hesitates for few seconds only before pulling out something from her purse. “Here are the keys to his flat. Let yourself in, okay? He might lash out, just be gentle with him.”  
He gives himself ten minutes in front of Mickey’s flat to have his own, small breakdown. He bites on a fist, not wanting to make any loud noises when he sobs. It really didn’t take much for him to start loving the small guy, and he can’t even imagine what his friend is feeling. He rings the doorbell first, trying to be fair before he uses Mandy’s keys.  
Mickey is lying on his stomach when Ian comes into the bedroom, face pressed into the pillow, but he looks up when the redhead sits next to him. “I didn’t invite you, get the fuck out,” his voice is raspy, the skin around his eyes red and puffy.  
“I’m so sorry about Obi.”  
“Are you fucking deaf? Get the fuck out!” Mickey reaches to hit him, but it doesn’t even hurt when his hand connects with Ian’s stomach. It shows how much out of it the other man must be. “I don’t need your fucking pity!”  
“It’s not pity, it hurts me too. Let me help.” He tries not to assume too much, but he lies next to Mick and maneuvers his friend so that they are almost hugging but still can pretend that it’s not what they’re doing. “You wanna talk about it?” Mickey shakes his head, so Ian lies there patiently, listening as the other man cries. His tears soak Ian’s shirt and break his heart. If he could, he would turn back in time and try harder to save Obi. He knows it’s impossible, that it wouldn’t make any difference, he didn’t even know that the bird was seriously sick, but he would try.  
Eventually, Mickey starts talking. Ian doesn’t understand everything, the other man’s voice muffled by his own shirt, but it doesn’t matter. He rubs Mick’s back, encouraging him to get everything out. “He was the only one who loved me unconditionally,” Mickey says, and Ian cries again. It takes few hours for the older man to settle down and fall asleep. The last time Ian’s been so emotionally exhausted was when his mood stabilizers stopped working, but at least this time his mourning isn’t pointless.  
He thinks he dozes off before loud banging wakes him up. Mick doesn’t even stir, so Ian carefully untangles himself from his friend and goes to open the door. Alexander lifts one of his perfect eyebrows at the sight of him, before asking, “Why the fuck are you here?”  
“Mandy asked me to check up on Mick,” Ian decides to bend the truth a bit. Then he adds, “Obi died.”  
“Obi? That old, ugly bird?” and Ian wants to punch his nose in, destroy this smug motherfucker for not understanding how big Obi was.  
“Mickey loves him, can you fucking respect that?”  
“We will bang one out, and he’ll be fine,” Alexander smirks at him and tries to enter, but Ian doesn’t go to the gym for nothing. He stands his ground, blocking the way.  
“I think you should leave. Come back when you learn some respect.”  
“You think you know Mick, huh? Think you’re so important because he lets you bother him with calls, not noticing your pathetic crush? You aren’t man enough for him, red, you wouldn’t know what to do with this cum slut. That's what he is, you know, a slut begging for my cock. Oh, wait, you have no idea because this piece of ass is mine.”  
Usually Ian is all for dirty talk, but there are things that should stay in bedrooms, that shouldn’t be said to other people. That’s not the way to describe someone you love to another person, and he has to take a deep breath to stop himself from losing it completely. He does smack Alexander with the door, but he doubts it inflicts real damage. He doesn’t check, Mick needs him more. He stays the night because he can’t imagine leaving. It means calling in sick, and somehow he ends up telling his boss that his partner got sick. Nothing about it is true but feels right when he says it anyway. Almost as right as curling around the exhausted Mickey does, sheltering him from the outside world. His friend’s sleep is fitful, but it’s still better than being awake and hurting, Ian supposes.  
Despite the fact that he is tired, it takes him hours to fall asleep. When he wakes up the other man is already awake, bright blue eyes stare back at him. Their limbs are tangled together, and it feels so natural that Ian wants to kiss Mickey’s sleep-swollen lips, but he settles for a short, sweet and completely innocent kiss on the forehead. He’s already made his decision, but his friend needs time.  
“I will make breakfast.”  
“Not hungry.”  
“I will make breakfast, you will eat it,” and that’s exactly what they do. Mick doesn’t eat a whole lot, but it’s enough to appease Ian. They spend the whole day together. It’s almost nine am when he finally gets home and finds Caleb sitting in front of his door. His boyfriend called, Ian knows he did because his phone kept vibrating. It didn’t seem important at the time. Caleb is really quiet while Ian’s opening the door because he never makes scenes where anyone can see.  
“Where were you? I even called your work, and apparently I’m sick,” the older man says the second the door is locked.  
Ian almost lies but then realizes that there is absolutely no point anymore. He wants them to be over. “I was with Mickey. Obi died, and he needed me.”  
“I don’t know why I even asked, you’re always with him,” Caleb chuckles. “You really are a great boyfriend.”  
It throws him off how sincere his boyfriend sounds, “What, really?”  
“Yeah. Mickey is a lucky guy.”  
“Fuck you, Caleb.”  
“You’re the last person who has the right to be angry right now. Does Mickey know you want to fuck him? That this is your angle? Or does he think you’re doing this because you’re a good guy, huh?” Caleb taunts. He is moving around, collecting his things. There aren’t many.  
“Shut the fuck up! Don’t belittle my love for him just because we’re breaking up!”  
Caleb stops and stares, eyes wide open and hurt. Ian wishes he kept his mouth shut, what he said was unnecessarily cruel, even if it’s true. He’s never said it during the two years they spent together. He thought about it, he _thought_ he loved Caleb, but he never outright said it. He would say he wasn’t ready, only it took him far less time to fall for Mick. The way his ex-boyfriend looks at him makes it obvious that he wants Ian to lie. To say that he loved him, even if it’s long gone. But Ian is physically unable to do that, so he waits until Caleb collects all of his things and leaves without muttering a word. What is there to say, really.  
He is genuinely surprised when the sadness hits him. He knew it was coming, he wanted it to end. And yet, he feels inexplicably sad. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t deal well with changes, or because for some he needs people to like him. It’s a part of him that he is ashamed of, only Lip knows it exists. He’d rather end the relationship on good terms, maybe even make Caleb feel bad about himself enough to let them stay friends. No chance for that anymore.  
He isn’t as good as people believe him to be, but it’s alright as long as he is the only one who knows it. 

Mickey probably doesn’t even know how easy to love he is. Ian’s heard stories about his friend’s misspent youth, the alcohol, fights and drugs. The self-hatred forced on him by his father. He sees pictures, there are only few, of a dirty, bruised up boy with a permanent scowl on his face. Even back then Ian would have loved this boy, but it probably wouldn’t end well for them. So it’s better that he met this version of Mickey. Rough around the edges, maybe still dangerous, but clean and not ashamed of who he is. The Mickey he knows wakes up in the middle of a night to help people he doesn’t really know with their birds; bitches and grumbles about babysitting Mandy’s kids but does it anyway; offers to ‘talk’ with Caleb even though he himself is still mostly in pieces. The Mickey he loves stress-bakes cookies and cupcakes, brings them to Ian’s flat and later lets the redhead hold him while he cries. If only Mick could see and appreciate himself the way Ian does. But that’s alright, it can be his job.  
After Obi, he takes to touching his friend a lot more. Small, random, seemingly innocent touches to Mick’s cheek when he is sporting yet another bruise; to his hand when he is checking BonBon’s feathers; to his hip, when they are cooking in Ian’s small kitchen and bump into one another every time they try to turn. He thinks it’s impossible for Mickey not to notice, and if it were anyone else Ian would feel rejected, but it’s his friend who really doesn’t think much about things like that.  
Ian does. He spends hours thinking about it, and one night it’s a bit too much for him to handle, especially right before the night shift. So he decides to be brave, picks up the phone and calls Mick. He goes straight to the voicemail, but it’s fine. It’s even better. “Hi Mickey. Mick. Look, I… I really like you, more than anyone else. There is a connection between us, I get you, you know that. More than Alex. I think you feel it too. Maybe it’s not as strong for you as it is for me, but I know we could be great together. I will prove it if you give me a chance, I’ll come by later to talk about it in person, I just needed to… yeah. Love ya.”  
He gets there sooner than he thought he would which also helps him discover that as much as he hates car accidents, he hates driving to pick up someone he knows even more. The night starts quiet, they get unusual three hours of relative peace before the dispatcher gives them the address. It takes him few seconds to realize that it’s Mickey’s address which means that there is a very limited group of people who could need help – Mandy, her husband, Alexander or Mick. He hears - _possible internal bleeding_ and _broken bones_ , and prays to God that it’s anyone but his friends.  
He never had much luck in that department. The police is already there, and Mickey doesn’t respond when they are trying to talk to him. He is breathing, but it’s uneven and shallow. There are many already dark bruises, but a large, purple bruise on his side stands out more than others prompting them to think that there definitely must be internal bleeding of some sort. At least three ribs are broken, just like his left arm, nose and a clavicle. Mickey is a bleeding mess, and Ian works, works, works to keep him alive until they reach the hospital. He allows himself to sob when the doctors take over. He can take the rest of the day off, but he stays at the hospital, it's the only choice he can make. When Mandy comes she is alone, Matthew probably stayed with their kids. He has never seen her cry before, but now she is silently shaking with it. Ian holds her close when the police officer informs them that it’s Alexader who’s done this, even closer when they are finally allowed to see her brother. He looks fragile, black and blue against white. They had to remove a part of his spleen and put metal screws in his arm to fix it. It could be a lot worse, so they should feel relieved. Instead they feel like it could have been avoided.  
“Alex seemed like this perfect guy, you know. Too good for Mick or me. Handsome, well off, hung like a horse. When he showed interest in Mick he freaked out. A guy like him with a guy like Mickey? Because my brother isn’t very good at loving himself, you probably noticed it already. I used to be like that too, can’t count the times Mickey had to rescue me from yet another guy with heavy fists. I used to stay for too long. He never did that, he would usually leave his relationships once the fighting started. But Alex’s been different, so good at the beginning. And sneaky, as we discovered later. He was so sweet that he fooled us, I felt that maybe Mick finally has someone who truly loves him, you know? Someone he deserves. Then bruises started to appear, nothing too big or too frequent. But I know all about abuse, and when I confronted Mickey he said it’s because Alex gets jealous easily. Happens to the best of us, but this guy is fucking obsessed. In his eyes every guy wants to fuck my brother, and recently it’s been worse.”  
“Because of me,” Ian guesses.  
“Yeah. Because you are so nice to Mick, so good, and you like him so much. Here comes the sneaky part. Mick is small but strong, so Alex always pretends that everything is fine, gives him a beer or three, waits until Mickey is tipsy and only then attacks. It doesn’t help that Mick doesn’t want to fight him. Not because of love, don’t get me wrong, I know he doesn’t love Alex, but because fighting is all he did at our house.”  
“I’m going to kill Alex.”  
“The police are already handling it, Mick needs you here.” Ian nods, feeling utterly helpless. He did this. Maybe Alex heard his voicemail, it would definitely make him angry enough to finally snap. Everything makes sense now. The bruises, why Mickey always insisted Ian left before Alex’s visits, why he looked scared. He knows abuse too, he’s seen it many times, he should have noticed. Should have reacted. But there is no point in beating himself up now. What’s done is done, and they have to deal with the consequences.  
It's Ian who gets to pick Mickey up from the hospital because Mandy is too busy. The ride home is tense, but Ian can’t decide whether he imagining tension or if it’s really there. His friend doesn’t say much, but he isn’t the talkative type, and he is still in pain. Ian can see the blue of his veins, skin too thin and pale. He wants to protect Mick. This is how he knows it’s love and not simple infatuation.  
He helps Mickey up the stairs, and doesn’t know what to do with himself when the other man slowly shuffles around the flat. Surprisingly, it’s not a mess. Mandy must have cleaned up and kept the birds fed. Riko and Nala don’t look or sound starved when they see them. They start chirping loudly, but stop the second Mickey takes them out to give them a cuddle. They missed him, this much is clear. Ian feels like an intruder while he watches their reunion. He even turns around to leave, but Mick’s quiet voice stops him.  
“Thank you.”  
“Was it my fault?”  
“No, man. It was long time coming. He did hear the voicemail you left, but…”  
“You have no idea how sorry I am.”  
Mickey looks at him strangely, “Did you mean it?”  
Suddenly, his throat is so dry that he can’t whisper a thing. His heart beats fast against his ribcage like a scared bird. But, despite his fear, he nods, eyes never leaving the brilliant blue of Mick’s irises. It would be unfair of him, he thinks, to deny everything after what happened. The other man didn't get his bruises so Ian could weasel his way out like a coward. He nods again realizing, that he is fine with rejection. Not fine as in he doesn't care, it's just he knows that there are some things in life that you can't have. And he will take Mick's friendship anytime, if that's what his friend wants to give.  
“I don't think anyone has ever loved me.” Ian knows for sure that Mandy loves her brother, Obi _loved_ him like crazy, but he also knows that it's not the kind of love that Mickey has in mind. It makes him feel angry, the fact that no one before him noticed how great the older man is. It makes him proud because he is the first.  
“I'm going to sleep for a bit. Missed my own bed.”  
“Should I leave?” he asks hoping that the disappointment he feels doesn't show too much in his voice.  
“You can stay, nap with me.”  
That's what Ian does. They strip down to their underwear, Mickey's skin is mottled with bruises, so they have to be careful. Ian can't cuddle him, no matter how much he wants that, but he curls his finger around his friend's right wrist, simply happy that he can feel the pulse. Sleep doesn't want to come to him for a long time, but Mick falls asleep rightaway. Watching him feels slightly wkward, but there isn't much he can do without disturbing his friend. He starts counting freckles on Mickey's pale skin, partially because he hopes it will make him fall asleep, and partially because the other man is beautiful. Ian always enjoyed pretty things, it got him in trouble before, this weakness. But he believes it's going to be different this time, he is willing to try. 

Ian is rudely awoken by someone pinching his thigh. “Make me breakfast,” says Mickey, eyes still closed.  
“Really? Is that how you ask for a favour? That's what momma taught ya?”  
“My mother mostly taught me to cook meth and run when you see the police. You're supposed to love me, so make me some breakfast.”  
“That's how it is then?”  
“Yep.”  
He acts on instinct, after all that's how things are. His friend's lips are as soft as they look. It lasts few seconds only, and he doesn't go deep, love or not – morning breath doesn't make for good kissing. It's still electrifying, Ian has a lot of experience, he shared many great kisses yet he doesn't remember any of them being as mindblowing. For a second he wonders whether his medication is failing, whether this overwhelming feeling of happiness is a result of a chemical imbalance in his brain. He quickly discards this idea, he knows his high and doesn't feel invincible. Just happy.  
Mickey makes a noise, and Ian realizes that he's been staring at the other man for the uncomfortably long time, making everything more awkward than it should be. He mumbles something about pancakes and leaves the room with amused Mickey still lounging in bed. That's what he should be doing for a few more days, his face would scare off the customers even more than it already does. Thinking about customers makes Ian realize that there is next to nothing in Mick's cupboards. Shopping doesn't take long, but he buys much more food than he intended. Last minute he throws in some extra slick lube. They can't have sex just yet, it wouldn't be safe; he buys it for good luck.  
He makes fluffy pancakes with fruit on a side, and Mickey devours most of them. Ian knows how bad hospital food can get, so he doesn't mind being left with only two pancakes and a lot of fruit. He takes a quick shower before work and almost jerks off, but decides it might be a bit too much. “I'll be back around eight,” he informs Mick before leaving, and the other man gives him a confused look. Ian stresses over it for the rest of the day. They are not a couple, he doesn't even know what his friend thinks about it. It's not his place to fuss over Mickey like they are lovers, that's probably what the look meant.  
At this point of his career he can work on autopilot thanks to the experience and knowledge, it's probably the only thing that saves him from messing up. His coworkers still notice and comment on it, but he blames his distraction on too little sleep. They buy it, after all they are not close enough not to. He considers not coming, going home instead of trying to insert himself even more into Mick's life, but thirty minutes after his shift ends he finds himself knocking on the older man's door. He has no self-control, r self-respect, when it comes to dark haired, blue eyed beauty. Oh God, Mickey would rip him a new one for calling him a 'beauty', even if it's only in his own head.  
“I brought dinner,” is what he decides to say when his friend finally opens the door. Fuck, Ian wants to suck his dick so bad he is salivating. He just wants to drop to his knees and go to town. Instead, he slurps on noodles while staring at Mick's plump, red lips doing the same.  
It hasn't been long for the other man, but Ian is not a very patient person when he wants something. “Are we going to date?”  
Mickey looks down, avoiding his eyes, “I've spent two years in prison. For attempted murder. And I did it. I was so in love that I went overboard. I didn't mean to kill anyone, and it obviously didn't work, but I spent two years there anyway. The guy I did it for turned his back on me. I'm not a good guy. I pushed drugs, fucked girls, fag-bashed gay dudes. You need someone better.”  
“People change. I stripped for money, did drugs, fucked so many guys I was afraid of testing, cheated on people who cared for me and almost stole a baby. I'm bipolar, but most of it was my choice. I chose not to take pills and hurt everyone around me. You're a bad guy? You listen to me every time I have a problem, no matter how late it is, you made sure your sister has a good life, and you are still mourning a _bird_ , so don't give me that bullshit. Maybe you aren't ready yet, fine, but don't bullshit me about being a bad guy because I've been your friend for months, I had your snot all over my shirt, you saved my birds, and I had your blood on my hands. I know you, asshole, and I love you,” he is fuming, and realizes too late that he moved and is now holding Mickey by the shirt. They are almost nose to nose, so Ian does the next thing that pops into his mind and straddles his friend. “So are we good, or are we not?”  
“We're good,” Mick says shakily, and Ian kisses his beautiful, dumb face before kissing his lips, sliding his tongue into the warm place that he never wants to leave. His brain registers how creepy it sounds, but it's alright, he won't share.

After Obi, Mickey said that he will never get a cockatiel again. And Ian gets that. He understands the heartbreak, the immense pain that can only be soothed with time. It makes him sad because he loves cockatiels, but he understands. He is happy with sharing Bon Bon and Hissburger, they seem to like Mick better anyway. But in the end, it's hardly anyone's choice.  
In eyes of his workmates Ian is a sort of a bird specialist. It doesn't matter that his knowledge comes from Mickey and the Internet, they believe he is some kind of a walking parrot-guru. That's what prompts Caroline to bring him a cockatiel chick, no older than two months. It looks like it could definitely use some more food, screeches like a tiny dinosaur, and its eyes are weird.  
“He is blind. My friend's friend has a couple of cockatiels, and they laid eggs. Only this one here survived, but it's blind, and they don't want it.”  
Ian needs to take a deep, deep breath and count to ten before he can say something. Not that he needs to, he knows exactly where it's going. He still makes Caroline say it, makes her admit that neither the person she knows nor her are willing to take care of this tiny, disabled baby, watches her squirm as she does. He takes the chick because they aren't even willing to look further, and they will euthanize it if he doesn't. Caring for disabled animals isn't easy, but the pay off is worth it.  
Mickey says 'no' when he first sees the baby, but his whole body is saying 'yes'. Ian names the chick Ramen because he likes it when Mick laughs, but it's not his. Not at all.


End file.
